The Seven Types of Camper Everyone Knows
Campsites bring together people from different places and different backgrounds, from Glamping Girls to Outdoor Purists. Wherever you pitch your tent or park up your van, we reckon you are sure to find these seven types of camper.
The Glamping Girl
Some of her favourite influencers on Insta have been posting recently about how amazing glamping is, so she simply had to give it a try. The yurt-like tent and cool interior design are just like the ones she has seen on Pinterest, but even this chic version of camping isn't quite for her. The nights are less than restful despite a kingsize bed – after all, who knows if there's an axe murderer lurking outside (or maybe just an incy-wincy spider looking for a bit of company under the covers). She won't be back again – next year it's a holiday with the girls again on the French Riviera.
The Vanlife Hipster
Chances are he's from Germany, called something like Max, Jonas or Julius and first heard about #Vanlife at a surfcamp in Portugal. He then decided to buy a VW Bulli and spend a horrendous amount of money turning it into a hipster home on wheels before hitting the road with his girlfriend (probably called something like Laura, Jule or Meike). Since then they have living as digital nomads – or simply surviving off the money they made selling their furniture on eBay. Keep an eye out for a manbun, Birkenstock sandals and patchwork tattoos. The Vanlife Hipster can typically be found wherever the best waves are right now – or at a spot in the mountains with some suuuper Instagrammable sunsets.
The Anti Camper
Loads of mud, no showers and a German couple called Birgit and Jochen next door who like nothing more than looking over disapprovingly before burying their heads back in a sudoku book – this isn't exactly the camping experience the Anti Camper had imagined. The Basecamp Tent they got at Decathlon (super stable even in high winds and with eight air vents) was a good investment, but nevertheless the Anti Camper wakes up on day one with back pain an a bad mood because the water ran out before they could rinse the shampoo out of their hair. The rest of the holiday doesn't go much better (50 mosquito bites and counting), so there's a one-star rating on Yelp when they finally get back home to their air-conditioned flat.
The Mobile-Home Hero
When the Mobile-Home Hero rocks up at the local campsite in his Caravan Palazzo Perfomance S, you know about it. He needs no invitation to show people around or, indeed, tell tham that it cost €170,000 and is worth every cent. Once installed on his XXL pitch, he spends most of his time inside – after all, why would you want to leave the comfort of this palace on wheels and mix with the hoi polloi? The only time you will definitely see him is if another monstrous mobile home turns up – he's straight out quick as a shot to check out his rival and talk horse power, dimmable lights and state-of-the-art chemical toilets with the equally enthusiastic owner.
The Camping Chav
Instead of their annual pilgrimage to the Costa del Sol, the Camping Chav and his boyz have this year decided to try something different: camping. It sounded like a good idea at the time, but little did they know that the vibe is a little more subdued than in a cheap-as-chips Airbnb in Majorca. Still, they do their best to get the party started with beer, barbeques and lots of burnt skin – much to the distate of the regular campers who come here each year "for the peace and quiet".
The Outdoor Purist
The Outdoor Purist doesn't need much to live on. One half of his tent is stuffed with climbing gear, the other with electrolyte drinks. He doesn't care much for camping frills – after all, he has already slept under the sky for a week in Ecuador, finds shower blocks totally unnecessary and parks up his van wherever he wants, whenever he wants (who cares if it's illegal – nature belong to all of us). Despite his obvious disdain for consumerism, the Outdoor Purist uses extra-light, storm-proof geodesic dome tents and high-tech cooking utensils worth a small caravan and tries to avoid official campsites wherever possible. If you do find him there, he is the best kind of neighbour you can have because you never see him during the day. He leaves around five in the morning to watch the sunrise from the top of the nearest mountain and finally return around six in the evening, covered in mud from some gnarly downhill mountain biking or bouldering.
The Campsite Sheriff
The Campsite Sheriff is probably the first person you will see when you get to the campsite – long before the staff. He spends all summer at the site and has done so for the last 15 years. After guiding you to your pitch (probably wearing a high-vis vest) he shows you how to hook up your electricity and tells you in friendly but firm words that rubbish must be correctly divided up into plastic, paper, glass and metal before being disposed of in the right containers. Don't even think about taking a pee in the bushes, playing loud music after 10pm or bringing along a pet without telling the campsite in advance – you can be sure that the Campsite Sheriff will be over to the office quick as a shot to dob you in.